she threw all of her things onto the floor

moving on

2011-02-04T06:26:00.004-06:00

after 8 years of posting sporadically on blogspot, i regret to inform you that this blog is now defunct. thanks for sticking in there. want to keep tabs on my new blog? it's chock-full of grown-up things, and you can check it out at http://www.rosyricks.wordpress.com

2010-01-03T16:13:00.001-06:00

Absence of intention, Presence of awareness.

2009-04-29T14:55:00.001-05:00

a night at bremen cafe

2009-02-26T23:45:00.005-06:00

russian gypsy music, would-be bob dylans gathering around tables in inky crisp peacoats. i feel like a circus, hiding my bigtop backdrop against creme de menthe walls. i am avoiding the house, i am too afraid to face the thing i am coming to hate.there's a pretty milkshake blond wailing into the puffs of smoke, looking for eyes to meet. she finds noone, and sits down to moan her siren song. it's

when we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago.

2009-02-04T12:45:00.005-06:00

that's what nietzche said.this has been a whirlwind of madness. apologies to all for the length of time since the last post. it isn't that i haven't wanted to write, but more a question of whether i should write the things that were concerning me most. i've been having a difficult time adjusting to the demands of my current situation (school, work, baby, sleep, life, ect.) and want to get it all

a toast

2009-01-17T09:12:00.005-06:00

"this feels like a business meeting," i said."it is a business meeting." we sit at the table, a half-liter of chilled merlot on the table. smoking covertly and dropping ash onto yr parent's velvet table runner, a last hurrah and prelude to my smoking cessation. we are silent sometimes, running uncomfortable hands against the grain of the table. "do you find me untrustworthy?""we already talked

the obligatory panic about love post

2009-01-11T21:06:00.004-06:00

1.11.09i am reaching out into the world constantly looking for love to quench my maddening thirst. i am weaving relationships with others through stories and shared experiences. each time i walk out of the house, it is toward a new adventure.the past few weeks of my life have passed by like some whirlwind tearing me from the comfort of familiarity. i have come so far in the past twelve months,

alpha editorial

2008-12-07T16:16:00.001-06:00

the semester's almost over, and for that i'm grateful. no more maps, analyses, or whatever for at least a little while. i do get to celebrate winning the alpha editorial competition, and having my discriminatory experience at the planetarium made known to other folks.if you're interested, here's a sneak peak at the essay. Have you ever noticed that families are not welcome to attend manypublic

mystical visions and cosmic vibrations

2008-11-29T12:21:00.008-06:00

according to wikipedia: Shaman perform a plethora of functions depending upon the society wherein they practise their art: healing; leading a sacrifice; preserving the tradition by storytelling and songs; fortune-telling; acting as a psychopomp (literal meaning, “guide of souls”). In some cultures, a shaman may fulfill several functions in one person.it's always an interesting conversation to

laws control the lesser man. right conduct controls the greater one.

2008-10-20T19:09:00.005-05:00

10.20.08every society honors its live conformists, and its dead troublemakers. ~mignon mclaughlin, the neurotics notebook, 1960it's been a long time since the last update, informal or otherwise. since public allies, i've found my employment inconsistent but steady . i'm finding it difficult to be gainfully employed without compromising my ethics.i find satisfaction in my freedom, and in helping

NaNoWriMo!!!!

2008-09-21T13:05:00.006-05:00

it's almost october, which means that it's nearly november, which means that NaNoWriMo is nearly upon us!what is NaNoWriMo? National Novel Writing Month, silly!this is the delightful part of the year where i like to psyche myself up for an impossible task. every year, i say to myself, this time, i'm gonna make it. i just have to get past the outline and the awkward first chapters. this time, i'm

the way the sunset looks off my balcony

2008-09-17T08:34:00.003-05:00

the whole thing is sort of amazing, really. dusky purple overtaking flames of orange that die quietly at our fingertips. the end of an era each evening as we gaze longingly toward the west. there is magic in the twilight hours, as we've all come to know. i find myself waiting impatiently for those moments, pacing back and forth across the floor as if waiting for a lover.the dream crossed twilight

this is how i've been feeling.

2008-09-10T15:20:00.004-05:00

Una mattina mi son svegliato, o bella, ciao! bella, ciao! bella, ciao, ciao, ciao! Una mattina mi son svegliato, e ho trovato l'invasor. O partigiano, portami via, o bella, ciao! bella, ciao! bella, ciao, ciao, ciao! O partigiano, portami via, ché mi sento di morir. E se io muoio da partigiano, (E se io muoio su la montagna) o bella, ciao! bella, ciao! bella, ciao, ciao, ciao! E se io muoio da

i love a lot; i just hate people for making me regret my decision to love them.

2008-09-10T12:48:00.004-05:00

walking through the rain, the night around us like a cheap blanket. passing strangers' silhouettes against siding. my toes slide across the surface of my sandals.we hopscotch our way into the bar, one leg bent behind like a broken flamingo. you pull your sweater off against the heat and despair. we are young and flamboyant; the audience is melancholy and subdued. i feel guilty for smiling,

terror seizes me from the chest.

2008-08-22T16:55:00.003-05:00

"I am going to be passing through Milwaukee this weekend and then also during the beginning of the first week in September. I hear you are busy but I will give you a call. I'd like to get together and talk some things through. I hope that you and the kid are well."these are all the words that he could conjure up after months of absence. of waiting, longing for the presence of what i came to

for emily, wherever i may find her

2008-08-19T14:21:00.004-05:00

i have a sister, older than me. i've not "met her" but her name is jill.was. was jill. before my mother gave her up for adoption so many years ago, before she'd even met my father, or thought of any of us at all, her name was jill. jill was the first of 4 dynamic personalities that my mother would bring forth from her womb.every year, my mother would lock herself in her room and cry. "it's her

tcob with totb

2008-08-19T11:46:00.006-05:00

what? for those of you who have missed the last week of my life (which is most of you, as i haven't seen anyone for months) i went to boston for this year's "think outside the bomb" conference. the whole thing was amazing. really. i made some incredible new friends, have created memories which will last a lifetime, etc etc. i definitely took care of business.the best part, for me, was that i

breakfast at the pharmacy

2008-06-02T16:17:00.004-05:00

there's something truly satisfying about being able to smoke a cigarette and read the times with your eggs done just so. the magic becomes hard to handle when that place isn't george webbs, but rather a locally-owned establishment dripping with old-timey pomp and unattractive waitresses outfitted in unflattering uniforms, balancing regular and decaf steaming in one hand, a plate of unappetising

Cat Power's "Jukebox"

2008-04-19T23:36:00.006-05:00

If you suddenly had piles of money just lying around, I might recommend purchasing a vial or two of Vincent Gallo’s million dollar sperm and pumping it into a drunken cellist beneath the full harvest moon? I imagine the results might be something nearing the edge of brilliance Chan Marshall has somehow managed to consistently deliver time and time again.Jukebox, Cat Power's latest triumph, is the

mediocrity in writing.

2008-03-13T10:32:00.005-05:00

by rosy ricksi attended a writer's conference last weekend in hopes of being challenged to a battle of writerly wits. to my chagrin, rather than being surrounded by the elite literati of the area, i found myself patronizing a well-read swap meet.the focus of this festival was more sale than story structure. people wanted to know how and where to publish the heady magnificent volumes they had

courting and release

2008-02-27T08:23:00.004-06:00

the baby playing for the mama.today, i step yet again into the court room for the well-being of my son. i am nervous as always. monday is also another hoop to jump through. this has gone on long enough, since before samadhi was even born.people are saying all kinds of things about me, that i "abandoned" my son, that i don't want him. in the tiny town i grew up in, youngsters are gabbing, "so,

mustache, mustache.

2008-02-13T08:36:00.007-06:00

this is the kind of thing life is all about. that's correct, mustaches.me, personally, i'm more inclined to enjoy a fully clothed face, complete with connecting beard and lipwarmer. however, the mustache does have it's time and place.my friends at the american mustache institute have done the glorious thing of making a top seven list of professions for men who wear their shame in public.while i

i am going to charm school

2008-02-12T10:11:00.000-06:00

we've been successful as a clan lately, it's been exciting. as it would happen, i actually got the spot for the charm school competition. this was the email i stumbled across this morning:Hello,Great SA. Would you mind if I printed it in our March issue? You are definitely in. We will contact you toward spring with more details.Warmly,Melanie Beresi am going to charm school. don't know what i'm

How to Find a Job You Love in 10 Steps

2008-02-07T13:36:00.000-06:00

1. Apply. Include well-tailored resume on fancy paper with no smudges or coffee stains.2. After about a week, call back to touch base, or to remind them that you exist.3. Arrange interview at an inconvenient time, for example: mid-shift at your current job, where your bosses are unaware of your attempt to jump ship.4. Put on most uncomfortable professional outfit and smile. Promise to work at a

2007-10-03T10:41:00.001-05:00

hi there. long time no see. how have you been? it's good to have you back.things are topsy-turvy in my life, but things are starting to make more sense to me now.lots of hard work, lots of griping, lots of time spent in transit. there is so much i could say, but i'll keep it brief. in honor of a brilliant new book, not quite what i was planning edited by larry smith and rachael fershleiser, here

know what's really unprofessional?

2007-09-24T12:32:00.001-05:00

sweatstains, that's what.i had a little encounter at work today with one of the other interns; he was interviewing me for the website and print newsletter for the milwaukee chapter of the red cross. ( by the way, i got the internship. hello.)i decided to wear the very dress i wore at the public allies pinning ceremony, shown below, along with james, our charming british bloke... very mild

2007-09-18T13:56:00.002-05:00

he's wonderful. really, quite so.

cicadas, revisited

2007-08-04T12:03:00.002-05:00

Song of the CicadasI remember the first meeting of our eyes, that prolonged awkward gaze burning from time immemorial. The electric red of your orbital vision and shimmering gossamer wings. You were every where, and there was only me, but he was there also.The buzzing was delicious, my body delicate with the sensual longing of home. But I was not home; indeed, far from the nostalgia of that

scandalous vandals, inc.

2007-07-27T15:00:00.001-05:00

i have decided to call my endeavors "scandalous vandal, inc."it will consist of my art, managing, and photographing endeavors.all that jazz.other than that, sparks are flying.

fucking in the cicadas

2007-06-25T01:32:00.001-05:00

The meeting of our bodies was inevitable, despite our parents’ best efforts. He stared at me from across the street, tapping the traffic lights nervously. I couldn’t look at him, or I knew I would be transfixed. We lived in the same neighborhood, and often were cordial in the way only suburbanites can be. Certainly, his had much more than our family, but we never got caught up in that. There were

naked girls

2007-06-10T00:54:00.001-05:00

i am interested in taking photographs of scantily-clad women (and perhaps men) in compromising positions.the new frontier of my art has arrived.i haven't done art in a long time, and now it's time.happiness runs in a circular motion.

music as an adjective and movement

2007-06-06T14:35:00.001-05:00

the word music is derived from them muses of ancient time, each of them is sort of the inspiration of a number of particular arts and divisions.a two part proposal:1.) a body of work dedicated to the muses, and2.) the change of the word music from a noun (music: i.e. a compilation of sounds melded to create a singular piece of work or express an abstract idea) to an adjective (music: i.e.

an unfinished tune

2007-05-10T00:25:00.001-05:00

all i could've beenturned to dust,things come to nothing.but should i learn by promisingto forget what's left?(it's so empty,it's so empty)what was that notion,undiscovered,lost somewhere?held ontolike love and friendship,but somehow,declined and gone...(it's so empty,it's so empty)and goddamn,if i could just forgetthe heartacheof what's between us.it's so empty,it's so empty.-mww and rmr

butterflies

2007-05-07T18:41:00.001-05:00

my mind is racing at all times.every time i think of the things that have happened, i get upset. i don't know what to make of all this, the duality of the situation. jealousy, rage, anger plastered in behind memories of love and happiness and this current situation.i wonder how he feels each day that passes? are we not both the same in one sense, the woman and child? it pains my heart more than i

god damn, am i ever proud of myself

2007-05-02T02:07:00.000-05:00

i've been working on this essay for a thing i'm applying to, and i've been sort of stagnant mentally. it's been a challenge, but i daresay i've finished the damned thing and feel incredibly accomplished.Q: Describe something you have done to improve your community. What did you learn about yourself, about your community or about change? How will that experience help you meet the goals of the

2007-04-26T04:31:00.000-05:00

happiness runs in a circular motionlove is like a little boat upon the seaeverybody is a part of everything anywaysyou can be happy if you let yourself behappiness runs, happiness runshappiness runs, happiness runs.really, i have had the best few days i can remember. i'd been so unhappy, but i'm learning to pull it together. my son is amazing, and no matter what struggle i have to go through to

broken links

2007-03-10T06:25:00.000-06:00

finding broken links to personal ads my mother began throughout various times in her lesbian career. (no, that's not mine baby, no. i love you, honest.) finding broken mental links to summertime, to old friends, wondering where we all lost each other, or if perhaps i was the only one shed... perhaps. it's more than likely.there's a little creature in my stomache, putting pressure on all my organs

piss.

2007-02-21T18:33:00.000-06:00

my mother purchased a dog. fine. (no, not really.) she already has one that she doesn't pay attention to/take care of. i was pissed on today by the older of the two (who is only 1 year old) right after i let them outside. i am going to be arrested for the murder of one purebred puppy.lots of other things on my mind;i am no longer comfortable anywhere i am. i do not want to explain anything

to be dissatisfied

2007-02-01T13:22:00.000-06:00

phantom feelingi am lacking the substance which you seekwhile you remain always just out of reachlinger your scent on the tip of my mindbrush it away with the passing of time.color of caramel against cafe au laiti long to kiss your lengthened wrists, even to this day.mandalas and wooden beads your personal rosariesyet i cling to promises, to dreams, and a memory.that is

with you feet in the air and you head on the ground...

2007-01-11T18:27:00.000-06:00

i am stuck. in limbo. out of thoughts that are worth expelling.locked keys in car this morning because i got nervous when a ashole rushed to pull out next to me. unrequieted love. lovelessness, and lonliness. longing for a comfortable familiarity lost long ago.how am i going to make it in the world? how am i going to make it in the world with a child depending on me when i can't hardly take care

i am moving to brazil to meet a man that i can marry...

2006-11-06T10:40:00.000-06:00

unless things get themselves into shape over here, i'm not looking back.the way the cosmos play these little jokes on me (freedom draped in suffering)i will never understand.i understand the way it feels to want to be understood,i understand the way it feels to want to be cared for,i understand that you are not the one to give these things to me, so i shouldn't even ask.but sometimes in the

feeling

2006-11-01T18:42:00.000-06:00

tired. where to put these foolish feelings? these foolish things that i am trying to reign in, i am trying to make sense of all this shit that won't be right.

you're still young, that's your fault, there's so much you have to go through.

2006-10-20T12:34:00.000-05:00

in an hour. i will know.this is my new life, and as i walked down the street, i congratulated myself on the fact that this is the one i had chosen.it was not easy, and in fact this whole time, i have been trying to maintain integrity. it has not gone very well. i feel as if there is no place for me wherever i've been. i stopped in to his job today, he was hunched over the computer in a deli apron

2006-10-11T18:22:00.000-05:00

live to disappointlie to love

2006-10-05T03:51:00.000-05:00

cold feet &miss trust

dirty dream

2006-10-02T08:22:00.000-05:00

she was buried under the dirt, trusting a voice that was not mine, or anyone's i knew. dhe was told to do this daily, this burial, and the world would be greatly improved. i did not believe. i tried to talk her out of it, but she was so glad to help. into the ground, in a filthy basement.i watched once, and as she came up i was afraid. her skin was cold and she was pale. "i feel old," she said. i

guru-deva

2006-09-27T09:29:00.000-05:00

waiting to be hit hard on the head with some incredible universal truth, to escape the continuous mercilessness of this existence.i have not quite crossed through the door to god,but i am definitely standing at the threshold.pushing open a cosmic eye because the other two really are blind(can you not see that i am sightless in all this?)awnting to see with that vision, that spiritual purple

2006-09-18T09:26:00.000-05:00

i can't get the image out of my head; the image ou failed to mention but knew i'd eventually disconver. stabbed not once, but many times over last night in the midst of something i thought was a spiritual goodness. maybe god wants to test me, and if so, i definitely failed that test.you lay with her nightly now, and nothing is going on, you sleep in the bed of the woman you have loved for more

2006-09-15T00:05:00.000-05:00

and too scared to write the way i wantto scared to force the words out into open airthey hover like rain at the crest of open lips.wanting to find that african name that makes me tremblejust to think of it.give you strength give you strengthor as they saystrengfafrican.strenght.roar like mighty lions of judah.

2006-09-15T00:02:00.000-05:00

wanting to fill in the cracks with easy caulklife will cometogether at some time,it can't be helped.where has my poetry gone?back into the trees with the maddness.

2006-09-11T11:16:00.000-05:00

the holy rosary of what is.he is not, i am not, i think she is. what is it?

looking backwards into the past at dan

2006-09-07T12:14:00.000-05:00

last night i dreamed he took me in that old rusty pickup truckto a park on a hill in midwinterand everything was alright,plain alright.a couple days ago, i told myself i couldn't cope if i heard he was getting married.in the dream, he confided to me that he'd proposed to her,and she was alright,mighty alright.we walked side by side through snow and beautiful darknessand were happily innocentand

2006-09-05T01:00:00.000-05:00

sleeping with the enemyand the enemy sleeps with my friendsthen who is the enemy?who is the enemy?the night wears on like flannel underthingsthings that have not stirred in sometimewho is the enemy?

2006-09-04T21:53:00.000-05:00

waiting for the thing i know will never comehe will never surrender to me peacefully,they always prefer to be mistreatedso later,they can look back and say,i was as good a man as i could have been.but is it still being as good as can bewhen the efforts are wasted away on trivialities?heart jumps at the thought,exhale at the reality, it is still nothing. it is full of tincan wishes kickiing down

therapy

2006-09-01T09:47:00.000-05:00

my therapy my therapythis is my new therapy the way it started long ago expressing hopes and dreams for the future. scribbled down a few minutes before i run out the door. therapy therapy, i feel everything is read into i feel everything is not said as clearly as possible, that things aren't as cut and dry as they seem. he spoke to my mother yesterday, and my aunt was his first sale at the store.

emotionalhunger

2006-08-31T09:55:00.000-05:00

we laughed away the sunburn as we laughed away the day.what we lost means nothing, for the memories will stay.everything is a mess. my mind, heart and body can't agree on anything, and it's all coming so fast. detatchment from the world. beating bodies under hot lights. beautiful dresses swaying lightly in the breeze, car doors, happy dogs, lecherous friends, and no friends at all.living in a

swaying in a gentle breeze

2006-06-11T03:23:00.000-05:00

looking into my life, looking into my soul without the slightest permission.on the other hand, you have always been a trickster. i have always been a fool.travelling light, leaving so much of my soul behind, losing so much groundin the name of modesty, in the name of innocence. when last was i innocent? when last was it worn by melike a cloak against the summer rains?this is the rain that washes

2006-04-30T20:45:00.000-05:00

becoming comfortable. seeing sad faces made long by hard times. sometimes people encrouch upon private spaces.that is all there is.

revolutionary

2006-04-19T15:26:00.002-05:00

he moves within me silently,penetrating the places the others couldn'twith promises and caresses,i can't write about him without writingrevolutionary.he makes my stomach ache,the seeds of discontent grow and blossom intomore waiting, so many unspoken words.viva siempre, y libre mi corazon.

the man named chester

2006-04-10T20:09:00.000-05:00

sucking in my daily coffee fix, my new friend chester sitting nest to me telling me all about life,a jazz and history photographer, someone who matters.what am i doing with my life?(working in a bakery, writing poetry, trying to marry and become a revolutionary)where are all my people?(viva la revolution)

2006-02-25T02:12:00.000-06:00

some folks give you a hard-on with their intellectualism,some folks don't.it's been a while, things aren't worth writing about. i suppose they are being that my life is a complete mystery to everyone. i guess that's me, a mess. what the hell am i doing?bakery, but deciding to become some form of boyscout camp person. yeslong nights, longer days, memory that fades, words that cease to remove

bur didly bur

2006-01-16T01:22:00.000-06:00

wish i could jump on the curbside mattress, and not think about getting sickwish i could take a vacation, and not regret having missed workwish i had something great to say, but didn't because the moment was too perfectwish it was a lot easier, and that it still built character and all that shit.

she threw all her things onto the floor

2005-10-11T23:04:00.000-05:00

and realized that all of her things didn't mean anything to her.all her things were nothing, shadows of memories of things that meant something to her.i have ceased to do anything meaningful in who know how long.my hair my or may not be infested with bugs from texas that aren't helping to pay the rent.some fucking body thinks that they love me, but the motherfucker can't hold a candle to the

the missing

2005-07-29T11:18:00.000-05:00

i haven't updated in a long time. this, being the more private of my musings, has been neglected since that amazing trip to boston that altered the course of my life. and don't you wonder what would happen if even one little thing changed in your life?everything is always so cryptic when you give it a quick overview. i would love to dedicate more and more and more to everything, to tell you about

get down in beantown

2005-04-21T12:39:00.000-05:00

saw saul williams last night. it was amazing, we were on stage with him, meager feet away. he moved and glisened under hot purple red stagelights. we moved in unison to the beats of some primal noise from inside. it was too much nearly, almost too much.at the show, we crawled on stage and touched palms and thought profound thoughs. or maybe i did solitarily. a million (alright, maybe fifty-two)

2005-03-12T18:59:00.000-06:00

watched it sink to the bottomhad to fish it out with my fingersand instantly, without thoughttoss it into my mouth.progressively getting more and morebusyor trying to pretend i am.i might go back to school,it gives me something to do when i'm bored.giving a fine demonstration of mediocre skills.what will you dowhen your favorite thing is no more,all your thoughts are brokenand you lie sitting on

tomatoes

2005-03-11T13:44:00.000-06:00

today i made a sandwich in the kitchen while my family was gone. egg salad. sliced hard-boiled eggs, lettuce, and cheese on toast. i also added a few tomato slices.before i cut it, i had to take it out of the produce bag.i paused, thought of how it felt. i squeezed the sides gently. they responded with a little give, not too much. unwrapping it, i thought of how my grandmother used to serve

2005-03-09T17:11:00.000-06:00

what you see asunhealthy attention?(forgive me, i thought i wasshowing you affection.)then i supposethe inconvenience of emotionally preparing yourselfis a thing of the past.looking back, maybe i was foolishto think that you would be different.the only words of mine you've seenare onesgrieving our separation.why couldn't you save both of us this trouble?pardon my ignorance.

you kiss your mother with that mouth?

2005-03-09T12:46:00.000-06:00

pinkgirlrock (12:33:45 PM): what else is new?pinkgirlrock (12:33:58 PM): did anything more come of your little "tango" with argentinaferneilius (12:34:09 PM): not reallyferneilius (12:34:13 PM): as i wanted pinkgirlrock (12:34:46 PM): sorry kiddoferneilius (12:34:55 PM): nopinkgirlrock (12:34:57 PM): that was goodferneilius (12:35:00 PM): i mean i wanted none of thatferneilius (12:35:03 PM): just

tired of being the subject of the whispers at the kitchen table

2005-02-23T22:39:00.001-06:00

tired of being unwelcome in a home i've never really fit into in the first place,tired of looking into your eyes and seeing nothing but a rough glint where the happiness used to be.tired of trying to convince you that i matter too.i am eternally greatful that my little brother shows me his love. he is amazing, and i appreciate him so much more now that i have ever told him. he is a great person,

too tired to sleep

2005-02-22T02:46:00.000-06:00

cold eggs no bedi can/not get away from everything (not even when i sleep) andi am so v e r y TIRED ( allofthetimenow) but too pressed for the sleeping action of it all.i miss dan every day, even when i get to see him. for the first time, i'm actually willing to wait instead

2005-02-04T02:01:00.000-06:00

you who are always falling asleep, never awake (never there) when i need you. it is always worse to cry in secret, letting people assume that everything is perfectly normal. and nothig is the way it should be, everytime someone can dare to make a wish it is uprooted and broken before them like a dead little bonsai. we are the dead trees and there is nothing ahead of us but 6 more weeks of

2004-12-29T01:41:00.000-06:00

it seems that i cannot stop myself from writing. for the past 3 hours, i have been filling up the pages of my journal. i wish this writing were going towards sometinhg useful, like my book. instead, i'm just going on tirades against the contagious stupidity foating all around me. my mother is tearing me down, one insult at a time. i can't see how she can constantly be speaking the way she does,

2004-12-26T20:24:00.000-06:00

feeling incredibly prolific, i decided to continue my regularly scheduled tirade here. (sorry chaps) things are definitely in limbo. for the first time in my young life, everything could go wrong (and it just might.) this is the most estranged i have ever felt in my entire life. every time i try to explain my intentions to the many questioners, it all comes out in a jumble and smacks down in a

college

2004-12-13T15:01:00.000-06:00

I did this thing everyone's been doing lately called college. It isn't so much a one-time thing, since it can last for years for some people. In my case, I think that college is only going to last a semester. In college, I have found myself surrounded by new and exciting individuals caught in the flow of expectations. Even if they are already great people, they are strong pressed to conform to

a bird in the spring grass

2004-11-09T13:08:00.000-06:00

sometimes i teach myself strange lessons. spent last night fighting and crying for no apparent reason, and finally gave up and went to bed. after all the struggle, it was so easy to let it go. like i was done. the sensations flowed. i am learning how not to have regrets. instead, i will take life by the experiences, each as they come. i am not going to let anger control me, because anger is not

love on mondays, bleed on tuesdays

2004-11-01T08:56:00.000-06:00

mornings after sleeping in unmade beds surreal feeling heart exploding in chest and searing pain of anticipation. (my own mind is making me its prisoner.) what am i accomplishing? volumes of thought transcribed in the pages of my mind. (i have no concept of time) surely, there must be a coming together of sorts

an evening at carey hall

2004-10-07T13:13:00.000-05:00

untitled performance piece it's nice to watch the shadows throw themselves across the room wrapping objects in obscure values of grey. everything is relatively peaceful in this rare night silence darkness protrudes obtusely along the floor. it's time to play with language to wrap its contents lovingly around your teeth and taste them like a rich chocolate. what better days are there than

2004-08-23T13:34:00.000-05:00

i always wonder what they're thinking about when they walk away. are they feeling that atmospheric release, that the pressure's all off now? or are they only concentrated on walking, making it through those next few steps.

2004-07-30T10:55:00.000-05:00

Congratulations! You're the famous Pete Wrigley, the boy who is unknowningly the King of Suburbia! Don't give up. Life is great..or life might be great...someday. What Character from The Adventures of PETE & PETE are you? (pictures!)

2004-07-21T15:43:00.000-05:00

i'm suddenly finding myself better at math: liquor + girls < clothing = panties, bitches (not to mention that a cosine error is going to get me out of a speeding ticket, if i play my cards right. in your face kim prott.)

2004-07-21T03:03:00.000-05:00

http://www.kwiz.biz/showquiz.php?quizid=146" method="post">What kind of a girlfriend/boyfriend are you?Name DOB Favourite Color You are CaringWhen your g/f-b/f thinks you are the person they want to someday marryYour g/f-b/f thinks your kiss is passionateThis cool quiz by xbutterfly96x - Taken 51059 Times.New! Get Free Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz oh dan...

2004-07-09T20:37:00.000-05:00

i've been feeling rather isolated as of late, because there isn't anyone i can really relate to. everything is turning to shit. but then again, am i surprised? (certianly not) i'm falling back into that cynical state, there isn't anything to soften the blows.

tiny circles in the dust

2004-07-04T21:25:00.000-05:00

tiny circles in the dust people can be so curious sometimes. for the most part, their lives are circular; revloving around a central theme, always returning to the same initial place. it can't really be helped, i suppose. i guess it't just as well. i am hoping my life will some day cease to resemble that oh-so-regular circle and perhaps digress from the prescribed path. some day. i would

2004-07-03T00:49:00.000-05:00

for some reason, after riding a bike with a flat tire, i was thrown violently back into the world. for a fleeting while, my life will not specifically revolve around me. i am inspired to create and to see and touch everything as if for the first time. i owe jeff a letter. i should get on that immediately. also on scholarships for my new school, which is very exciting. and of course, i am excited

2004-06-17T00:24:00.000-05:00

i am -cold -tired -in love -still bitching

2004-06-15T01:57:00.000-05:00

everything is poetic i am waitin and my lines are blurring together i cannot get it together to pull it in and make sense of the whole thing that is my life i am in love for the first time to a boy who has a soul i can feel when he isn't even there. and of course all i want to do is be in his arms and be free but i cannot even think ofanything else because i cannot get enough of his love like

2004-06-07T19:25:00.000-05:00

Once there was a way to get back homeward Once there was a way to get back home Sleep pretty darling do not cry And I will sing a lullaby Golden Slumbers fill your eyes Smiles awake you when you rise Sleep pretty darling do not cry And I will sing a lullaby Once there was a way to get back homeward Once there was a way to get back home Sleep pretty darling do not cry And I will sing a lullaby.

2004-05-11T16:04:00.000-05:00

observations: the fog smells of watermelon i am writing little zen haiku walking along in the tall grass there are many sounds like the one of the fog rolling in as slow as molasses and i am wanting to swallow thins moment and dance in the sticky night it will be time to sleep outdoors soon where the air floods our lungs and we see clearly because the cold fresh oxygen (that we are missing)

2004-05-03T21:39:00.000-05:00

it's all drawing to a close. attitudes are shifting into lighter shades of compassion. we all know that once this is over, it is unlikely we'll ever see one another again. things have grown quiet. hands are pressed gingerly to sides and we pass without words. there are awkward little smiles that we wish we could express what we really mean. i wonder if we mean anything? i think this is a way

2004-04-27T19:07:00.000-05:00

You're David Bowie...and every guy wants to be you,every girls wants to be in your pants. Or viceversa, or both! You are innovative, alwaysweird, and aesthetically pleasing. Your lyricsare literate, and your music is unlike anyother. You are always unique, no matter whatsituation you are in. Everyone tries to biteoff your style, but no one can be you becauseyou are funky fresh. Be careful to keep

2004-04-26T09:27:00.000-05:00

definitely worth keeping. a timeless weekend, as they have become when i am suspended in the folds of blue comprising your bedclothes. the party was a nice experience. [ ever since we saw that movie, "nice" has imprinted itself into my vocabulary. ] i am finding myself drifting off lately. i promise myself i'll do it later, whatever it is... then i just don't. summer is calling me and in a

2004-04-22T13:56:00.000-05:00

it is almost friday. (i'm putting on my excited face.) listening to jack kerouac read haiku. the saxophone makes me shutter. my mind is living in now, but my spirit is living in the recent past. jazz, drugs, dancing, excess, lavish dinners, wild music. i cannot wait.

2004-04-20T19:24:00.000-05:00

i am: -networking -sleeping -wanting to take pictures in the rain -wondering what the fuck is going on -writing a story out of blog entries - remembering everything in full color

2004-04-15T10:21:00.000-05:00

i am: -hoarding crossword puzzles -sighing for no apparent reason -counting the days -wondering what you're up to passing the time doing things like this, wishing you were here...

2004-04-14T10:23:00.000-05:00

there really is something nice about being able to sit down in the early morning with a cup of oj and a crossword puzzle. it's really kind of romantic. (my grandparents would wake up every morning and sit in the kitchen to do their word puzzles. it reminds me of sunny mornings and cartoons and country music. ) i did alright on yesterday's puzzle, and it was the first time i actually really sat

2004-04-14T00:09:00.000-05:00

apologies for the sudden bursts of sorrow, i am feeling trapped. (unfortunately, everyone is either asleep or too far away to be here when i need them) i feel like i'm going to cry all of the time and don't know how to react to other people's words. and i don't know how to counter the blows dealt by the invisible forces unless there are arms supporting me at all times and then there's the way

2004-04-13T00:58:00.000-05:00

i am being sucked into a hole of happiness. why are you so addictive? everybody knows. i don't like feeling out of control, but in this case, i'll let it go. i r e a l l y, r e a l l y l i k e y o u. you make me blush because i never know how to react to your sweetness. (( as a result, i overcompensate in girlish behavior.)) well, the feelings might sink in

2004-04-11T20:19:00.000-05:00

it's easter. i cannot wait to escape this pessimism. it is no good. if ever i find myself unable to get away, i become intolerable. it makes me unpleasant. it seems like everyone around me is dying to be unhappy right now. they're all bitter and frustrated. for once, i'm actually happy but everyone wants it to fade away. i can't talk to anyone because they don't understand or don't want to hear

2004-04-11T00:44:00.000-05:00

i am: reading interview magazine telling myself to stop wearing so much black and start dreaming more also thinking [i should start doing more random acts of kindness] finish the story already relax that getting post cards is fun and everything will work out for the best in the end or is optimism killing me?